#12 On Being Moved 🧡

Understanding.

December 2024

My December was not the whirlwind it so often is for others. It was calm. It was quieter, slower in a way that felt a bit out of place at first. 

Now, writing this in mid-January, I feel that the calm has given me energy. 

I grew up with December as a season of gift-giving. An opportunity to create small, thoughtful acts that carry meaning, intention, and connection. Nowadays, you will find me in second-hand shops, hunting for something with potential, something I can turn into more (though, truthfully, this isn not just a December habit). And every now and then, I will wander also into a toy shop. I did not grow up with too many toys, it was more of a hand-me-down situation. The bright colours, the possibilities spilling over. It is overwhelming in the way I imagine must feel magical to a child.

It was during one of those trips to a toy store during December that I overheard a girl, maybe seven or eight, shopping with her mother. She was holding something, clutching it really, while her mother asked, “Are you sure?”

“One million percent sure,” she said.

There was something about her certainty, her unapologetic confidence in the moment. It made me smile. It made me put the quote down into my phone’s notes app and eventually led to this post. Such a tiny fragment of the day turning into something bigger. It reminded me how rare it is to encounter such clarity in adulthood, especially during a time where it feels more like a fleeting guest than a familiar companion.

This past year, I’ve found myself navigating a life that I did not expect. A life that felt anything but “One million percent sure.” It was a life lived in in-between spaces where understanding required and still requires patience and grace. It was also a life that created more moments of reflection and presence.

Understanding this feels like a big step forward. To slow down. To pay attention. To let myself try, at the very least, to understand myself in moments, in fragments. Understanding my reactions. My impulses.

To notice…

… what feels heavy,

… what feels light,

… what energises me, and

… what drains me.

And maybe that is something I can build on, not through forcing clarity where it does not exist, but by learning to sit with the pause. To see what is behind it. To recognise where I am holding back. A kind of self-decoding, moment by moment.

To gain maybe a few percent of a million.

So, as December fades and the new year opens wide, I find myself thinking less about resolutions, and more about intentions. Like gift-giving, aligning my thoughts with action.

♥ Less doubt slipping in, less fear that keeps me from starting (or finishing), less criticism towards myself / More learning to be confident, more being kind to myself 

♥ Less overthinking or censoring thoughts / More live musings - letting ideas flow unfiltered and honest

♥ Less disconnection, less distraction as comfort, less tuning out / More here-ness, seeing, and doing as comfort, more eye contact

♥ Less locking feelings away / More love - for others, for life, for myself

♥ Less hesitation in seeking guidance / More turning to people, but also symbols and stories for reflection

♥ Less urge to fill stillness /  More comfort in quiet moments, more sitting with stillness as it is 

♥ Less ignoring my body’s signals / More protein, more veg, more fruits, more water! - nourishing with intention, more stretching, more dancing 

♥ Less phone dependence, less checking for the sake of it / More intentional phone use, more meaningful connections, more treating my mobile phone like a landline phone

Some of these intentions are a bit vague and definitely need more exploration. I have not figured it all out (I am far from it) but there is beauty in that. It means I am learning, I am growing, and I am doing it because I choose to. And then, some intentions are more concrete.

Phone dependence is something I want to keep working on. I’ve noticed myself slipping into habitual loops, like the infamous doom-scrolling or the cycle of mindlessly opening and closing apps, only to repeat it moments later. This video by Makari Espe (together with her dad, very wholesome!), a Canadian YouTuber, was very relatable and served as an immense wake-up call. I’ve already reduced my screen time, but I still find myself picking up the phone more often than I would like.

Deliberate, intentional steps - that’s how I would like to step into 2025. To sit with what remains unresolved. To look at it head-on, sometimes in disbelief, sometimes with hope, and, every so often, with a quiet kind of joy (and, let’s be honest, the occasional cry too). There will be shifts, some uplifting, some less so, but I remind myself to pay attention to what’s quietly taking shape, however small or subtle it might seem.

And, who knows? One day, I might wake up and feel like I’ve got it all together. ‘One million percent sure,’ I will say; then promptly question everything again, just for balance, you know?

What moments have moved you toward your own kind of understanding? What made you think recently ‘One million percent sure?.’

'On Being Moved’ is a monthly series of exploring and expressing observations and thoughts - through both written and visual formats. Not sure yet of its direction, however each step forward is a step 'on being moved'. Welcome ♥